It had gotten to the point where I would find myself standing in the kitchen staring at nothing; or I would get angry for no reason; and then sometimes, a random thought would cross my mind reminding me of all of my perceived failures over the past four and a half years. I needed some help but my own personal pride prevented me from seeking such attention.
With the kids’ needs, the responsibilities for work as well as the demands for school and other external commitments; I’d lost my very tight and very regimented method of survival to a more chaotic out of control (but thinking I’m in control) method of getting things done. It felt like every bit of me was being pulled apart at the seams and I was barreling quickly toward a very detrimental end. Moms are sometimes these exotic robots that handle all schedules, delays, updates and changes in a smooth and orderly fashion. For me, a point of personal pride was my ability to schedule everything in without anyone missing out on the things that they wanted to do. But things began to fall by the wayside. (more…)