What We Want —and Need —to Hear about the High Cost of Dying
By Phyllis Kritek | Monday, May 24th, 2010
I have always been a bit fascinated by people who make a living telling people what they want to hear. To be perfectly honest, I actually think it is because I envy them. How nice is that for generating income: making people perky, reassuring them, telling them everything is fine, promising them they are right about everything, helping them keep their denial systems intact?
My envy stems from my irritation with myself for choosing a different path. I have spent most of my life telling people what they need to hear, hence often what they don’t want to hear. I try for balance, noting all the “good stuff”, then offering the counterbalance. I find one unwelcome message can drown out all the affirmative messages. People home in on that “bad” stuff with an inerrant tenacity.
The differences between these two approaches are instructive.
Feeling good is quite popular. Creating the conditions for feeling good can lead to fame and fortune. We want to hear from these purveyors of endless good news and reassurance. There is all that amazing research on happiness, the blossoming theories and practices of appreciative inquiry, the neuroscience data on endorphins: you cannot ignore this compelling information. The reassurance that one is right about everything can make for intense feelings of joy, hope, and optimism. The person who triggers the feelings is brilliant, constructive, right.
In contrast, mentioning the elephants in the room can lead to all manner of irritable behavior, judgments that are hard to absorb. I am too negative, a prig, a moralist, a mean person, a downer. I make people feel bad. Why do I have to bring all that stuff up?
It has taken me several decades to understand that wisdom lies in the middle ground, so I persist. It is in that spirit that I mention an important health care elephant.
- 27 to 30 percent of Medicare payments cover the cost of care for people in the last year of life.
- 40 percent of Medicare dollars cover care for people in the last month.
- 12 percent of Medicare spending covers people who are in the last two months.
We need to have a conversation pretty soon about longevity. Longer life spans are supposed to be the stuff of a success story, not a promise of immortality. We are going to die, eventually.
Exactly how long are we supposed to live, and how much money are we going to spend on dramatic efforts to extend the life of an elderly person for another month or week? What are we going to do about all these studies that say that the lion’s share of health care costs occur in the last year of life?
How do we as a nation start a constructive discussion about death and how to let go of those we love without insisting that we spend a few large chunks of change on them while we struggle with their inevitable demise? How are we going to help families have this conversation without triggering the “death panel anxiety syndrome”?
Who will lead us in this effort? Theoretically, health care professionals would, however many are ill equipped to do so. They were educated to sustain life at any cost, literally. For many of them, success is not tied to a good death but the ability to not let death happen. Their job is to save us. It is perhaps unrealistic to expect that they would be good at both warding off death and embracing it.
The antithesis of this worldview is found in the amazing work of the hospice community. They have been around for a while now. As someone who is willing to talk about death, I have had numerous conversations about hospice care, and have yet to hear a single person say this community’s work was anything but splendid. Quite a record, albeit anecdotal!
Maybe we need to make sure that their voice is heard more clearly in the health care “debate” about cost. Maybe we need to make sure experienced hospice workers are at every health care policy table. Maybe they have answers to our questions that would help us all grapple with death and dying a little more constructively.
They might even tell us what we want to hear. More importantly, they might also tell us what we need to hear.





