Janice Lynch Schuster

Cold plunged in from the north
and gripped us with errors of calculation.
We fell to our knees, crumpled heating
bills in our hands, and tried to decide
which worry mattered more:
the goiter on my throat,
blurred vision in swollen eyes,
the baby and her daycare?
Who needs new tires first,
and how long can we burn
kerosene before it kills us?

Winter took her time with us,
the more impatient we grew,
the harder her vortex spun.

One night, I swear, our bodies fused
with cold despair. Would the sun
never shine again? Whose face
gazed upon ours? We took turns
with the oven door propped
open, and warmed our hands
in each other’s pockets.

I shelter only in places
I have made.

Everything is survival.
I thought I had left fear behind,
that day in Fallujah when the officer
locked me to his hips
and ground away my heart.

I keep reclaiming it.
Tonight it breaks and the wind
forces its way around cracks
we cannot repair.
Hold me.
Between us we might keep the children
from social services.

When the wind gains speed
I can hear lonely wolves
and their lonesome lives,
that Arctic howl of longing
and the silence that follows.

Things are frozen in this place.
Something comes clattering
at the door, and I open
it, forgetting to ask who is there
in the night, other than the bitter
air we try to push aside.

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