We won’t ever be sure what could have been if we had paid more attention to the signs and symptoms. Mom had died in October 2006. Dad had visited her in the hospital and the rehab center and the nursing home for seven months, every day, day after day after day. They had been together for 50+ years. And he had been sure to tell the story of their meeting and their marriage and their lives together to anyone……. well actually to everyone that he met. After mom passed, he slowly managed to go on with his life without her. It was not easy. He had to learn how to use the microwave, how to make coffee, and how to cook. He mastered the art of grocery shopping and doing his own laundry. One day at a time we encouraged him. Slowly he managed to pick up the pieces and take care of himself. Or so we thought. Sure he often spoke of missing her. And he mentioned having trouble sleeping and not really feeling like eating. He told us that he often would get up in the middle of the night and then take naps during the day. He mentioned being invited to join friends for lunch or dinner but not feeling well enough to do so. He seemed more and more tired and uninterested in life. Dad we asked, did you go for a walk today? No, no, no he said, it’s too hot. Dad we said, perhaps you should see the doctor. No, no, no, I have an appointment next month. Dad we said, perhaps you could talk to the Rabbi. No, no, no, I don’t want to bother him. Dad, we said, your friends want to see you. No, no, no I am not good company. Dad, we said, please come visit ….. the grandkids want to see you. No, no, no…it’s just not that easy to travel at my age, he would say. Dad we said, why don’t we all take a vacation together? No, no, no he said, it’s just not easy to get around. Dad we said, why don’t you see a counselor or join a grievance support group? No, no, no, he said, I am just not ready. Dad, we agreed is really, really depressed about mom’s passing… his grief seems insurmountable. He’s really having a hard time being by himself. But even so maybe we should call his doctor…maybe it’s more than depression or grief. It looks like he’s losing weight and he’s always tired and seems to be sleeping more and more. The pain of his loss never seemed to subside. His grief seemed to appear mostly in physical ways: restlessness, exhaustion, sleeping problems, appetite changes, body aches, stiffness of joints, weight loss, and increased fatigue. But two years later he was still suffering much as he had back in 2006. Maybe it was time for us to insist that we go with him to his doctors.

Hmmm said the doctor…..weight loss, tiredness, loss of appetite, decreased energy, and depression. Let’s run some tests. Hmmm said the doctor lets get a scan. Hmmmm said the doctor I think we need an MRI. Hmmm said the doctor, I want to get a liver biopsy. Hmmm, said the doctor I am sorry but its pancreatic cancer and its spread to the liver and given your dad’s age and condition, I don’t think there is much we can do. Dad died in November 2008, two months after his diagnosis.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 19th, 2009 at 11:49 am and is filed under Caregiving, Chronic Conditions, Patients, Quality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.